Who are Your People?
A Reflection
This week I have been thinking about connection. Who is in your corner, who you let in, and why that may matter more than almost anything else for your long term well-being and your leadership.
Over the past two weeks I attended three very different gatherings: the International Coaching Federation Coach Summit, an American Academy of Pediatrics ACT (Advocating for Children Together) day, and the annual Bluebird Leaders SOAR conference. As I bring together my work as a physician, technology strategist, and coach, I have been showing up in these rooms looking for my people.
Each one gave me something. What stayed with me most was this: the insights did not become real while I sat taking notes. They became real afterward, in conversation, when someone heard what I was learning and reflected it back to me. Shifts become real in the context of relationships.
The Insight
There is an “isolation paradox” in medicine and in healthcare. We spend our working lives close to human suffering, holding space for people in their most vulnerable moments. And yet the culture of medicine produces some of the deepest professional isolation of any field.
It makes sense. We were trained to be self-sufficient, to manage hard moments efficiently and privately, and to project steadiness when the stakes are high. Often that serves everyone. There are times when our own need to process has to wait so we can care for the patient, the team, or the organization. The trouble starts when "not now" quietly becomes "never."
The evidence is hard to ignore. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed its participants for more than eighty years, found that the quality of our close relationships is one of the strongest predictors of health across a lifetime. Research on physicians points the same way. Small groups of doctors who meet regularly and speak honestly about their work report less burnout and a stronger sense of meaning. Peer connection helps us feel better, and it also protects us.
So the real question is… why so many of us still treat connection as optional, and what would need to change for us to invest in it?
Shifts become real in the context of relationships.
A Practice: The Support System Audit
Most of us have a support system. Few of us have looked at it honestly in a while.
A support system is more than the people who care about you.
It’s the people who tell you the truth, challenge you when you need it, and celebrate your wins without envy. The people who show up when things are hard—and who reach out not only in times of struggle, but in moments of success, too.
It’s the people who see you as you are, offer insights they genuinely believe will help, share something simply because they think it will make you smile, and connect you with opportunities where they see your potential.
For the audit, start here.
— Name three people you would call right now if something were seriously wrong, professionally or personally. Notice who comes to mind and how quickly. Try not to judge what you find.
If you have a bit more time, take ten minutes to sketch a simple relationship map, one side professional and one side personal. You may find your circle is smaller than you thought. Often that is because we have not allowed ourselves to be fully seen.
Everyone has a support system - but not everyone has examined it honestly.
Reflection Questions
What gets in the way of deeper connection for you?
What would it look like to invest in connection with intention over the next few months?
Is there a community you have been meaning to join, one you know exists but have not made time for?
Connection is not a reward for doing things right. It is an intentional practice of showing up as our authentic selves.
This Week
Reach out to one person for a call or a coffee.
Choose one community that interests you and spend a few minutes learning where to find it.