What Kind of Tired are You?

A long way

I just returned from five days in the Finger Lakes of New York. The trip began with a cancelled flight out of Sacramento, which turned into a red eye and a twelve-hour delay in arriving.

I can report that red eye flights have become infinitely harder after age 50. By the time we landed, I felt a heaviness I hadn’t felt in years. It was the same fatigue I used to carry home after a 24-hour call in the hospital, when even the drive home took concentration I didn’t have.

A good night of sleep helped. But it didn’t touch all of it. And that got me thinking about rest, and how narrowly most of us define it.

Rest comes in more than one form

When I arrived home, I went looking for more insights about rest. Physician Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith describes seven types of rest. When I read through them after this trip, I recognized each one, and I recognized how often I reach for the wrong one.

Physical rest. This is what we commonly define as “rest,” and as Dr. Dalton-Smith points out, it is only one category. Sleep and rest are not the same thing, and sleep is just a starting place. Sleep and naps count, and so does the quality of that sleep. A dark, cool room and screens turned off make a difference for me. ‘Active’ rest like yoga, stretching and massage can also restore physical energy in ways ‘passive’ rest sometimes can’t.

Mental rest. This addresses the fatigue of a brain that has been focusing intensely for hours, a ‘monkey’ brain that is pulled in multiple directions at once and one overwhelmed by cognitive load. This type of rest involves quieting the mind, perhaps starting with scheduling breaks throughout the day. Try trading a focused task for a lower stakes one, like emptying the dishwasher or folding laundry. At night, jot down your racing thoughts in a journal or take a minute at bedtime to be mindful: paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, without judgment.

Emotional rest. If you notice that you are “holding it together,” look for honest ways to let some of it go. This type of rest encourages us to express our feelings without people-pleasing or judgement. Talk honestly with a friend, a coach or a therapist. Start by answering “I’m not okay” to the question “How are you?”

Social rest. Introverts aren’t the only ones who need this. Everyone needs time alone to recharge from relationships and situations that drain energy. It can mean spending more time with people who feel supportive and demand nothing from you and less time in situations that are emotionally taxing.

Sensory rest. This addresses the drain of bright lights and screens as well as background noise and conversations, the sensory overload of our day-to-day life. To calm overloaded senses, turn off the TV, dim the lights and light a candle. Take a walk outside without a podcast in your ears. Or simply close your eyes for a minute in silence before your next patient or next meeting.

Creative rest. Analysis, brainstorming and problem-solving use up a particular kind of energy. Coloring, writing or cooking can refill it, and so can anything that brings back a sense of awe and wonder: nature, art, music, knitting. After a draining morning of rebooking flights, my husband and I wandered through the Crocker Art Museum in Sacramento. It was exactly the right match.

Spiritual rest. For some, this is attending church on Sunday. And it doesn’t have to be religious. It means reconnecting with your why: your purpose, something that feels meaningful to you and bigger than you, whether that is gardening, volunteering or a cause you care about.

Sleep and rest are not the same thing.

A different way to think about rest

We each have one bucket of energy. Finishing tasks, staying focused and chasing efficiency all draw from it. Rest is what refills it.

For many of us trained in medicine and leadership, rest can feel uncomfortable, even undeserved, unless it produces something. I’d invite you to see it differently. Rest is an active investment in yourself. It doesn’t need to earn its place by making you more productive tomorrow. You can approach it with curiosity and let go of the need to tie it to an outcome.

Rest is an active investment in yourself.

Try this: a Two-minute Rest Check-in

The next time you feel depleted, pause and ask yourself:

→ Where does this tiredness live? My body, my mind, my emotions, my senses?
→ What has been drawing most from my bucket this week?
→ Which type of rest have I been skipping?
→ What is one small way I could offer myself that kind of rest today?

You may find that the answer isn’t more sleep. It might be a quiet walk, an honest conversation, or an hour with your hands in the dirt.

Rest isn’t a reward for work; it’s part of the work.

A closing thought

Our bodies and minds keep telling us what they need. Rest begins when we slow down long enough to listen.